From Russia with Love

Reflections in a Blog

Barbara Ganley, Middlebury's blogging guru and founder of the 'Blogging the World' project asked her participants to share some thoughts on their blogging experience this last semester. Here's mine:

Dear Barbara,

Having recently left Russia, I find myself reading past entries from my time in Moscow. Some entries I completely forgot ever writing, some I wish I could forget, but all in all it was a strange experience reliving my semester abroad, saved in written form. It was like seeing one’s reflection in a lake: sometimes it’s like looking in a mirror. One remembers everything, as it was describe and can leave thinking, ‘Yup, that’s what it was like.’ Other times the images are distorted, abstract and vague. I could always recognize myself and the general feelings/happenings that I experienced, but the colors that painted my emotional landscape caused ripples in my reflection. I began doubting myself: “Was it really that bad? Could I actually been that angry/frustrated?” Although only a few months in the past, these adventures seem like years ago; the overload of foreign sights, sounds, and tastes has left little room in my memory for the details that I recorded in my posts. For that reason, I’m thankful that I kept this blog. It’s a reminder, a sort of memoir, not only of what happened but of how I felt when it happened.
At the end of January, I left Russia to spend a month in Vienna with a friend of mine before starting my next semester in Germany. It was the weirdest of feelings; I was very glad and relieved to finally leave a place that can be so hard to live in, but it was difficult at the same time. I had adapted to life in Russia. I could speak the language, for the most part without having to think incredibly hard about it; I knew how to interact (or not interact) with those around me. In the end, I felt as though I belonged there. My friend picked me up at the airport in Vienna, and for the entire first week, I was in utter shock. It wasn’t about Vienna being European and different from the States; the problem was that it wasn’t Russia. I suddenly found myself out of my element, immediately forced into a new way of life in an entirely different language. That first week, I tried cleaning up my computer, but for the most part, I would just read my old blog entries. It was comforting somehow; I still don’t know exactly why. It reminded me of a time when I could actually form a complete and coherent sentence, when things still seemed familiar, and most of all, when I was rooted somewhere and enjoying it.
All in all, I guess my Russia blog has made me see Russia with new eyes, even if it is from far away (in both cyber- and real-space). This is the greatest gift keeping a blog has given me. I didn’t study in Rio or Paris, but the perspective I got from writing and later rereading my posts has brought me to the conclusion that Russia actually was an alright place to be.

Thanks for this project and its reflections,
(Forever) Misha

posted by Misha Molodoi @ 10:06 PM