From Russia with Love

You've been in Russia Too Long

Along with all the end-of-semester questionarres and evaluations, Chris also gave us some information on how to come back to Russia (to work, research, etc.) as well as some hand outs on reverse culture shock and the like. Below is a list he included in the papers; You know you’ve been in Russia too long when…I’ve put an asterix (*) next to those points I personally identify with.

You know you’ve been in Russia too long when….

*You carrya plastic shopping bag with you ‘just in case’.
*When crossing the street, you sprint.
*You are impressed with the new model Lada or Volga.
*You hear the radio say it is zero degrees outside and you think it is a nice day for a change.
*Your argue with a taxi driver about a fare of 150 rubles ($5) to go 10 kilometers in a blizzard
You actually know and CARE whether Spartka won last night
*You win a shoving match with an old babushka for a place in line, and you are proud of it.
*You are pleasantly surprised when there is toilet paper in the WC at work/school
*You give a 10% tip only if the waiter has been really exceptional.
You are relieved when the guy standing next to you on the bus actually uses a handkerchief.
*You discover a new love of beets.
You know seven people whose favorite novel is “The Master and Margarita”.
*You change into ‘tapki’ (slippers) and wash your hands as soon as you walk into your apartment.
*You start thinking of black bread as a good chaser for vodka.
*You drink the brine from empty pickle jars.
You begin refering to locals as ‘nashi’ (our’s).
Locals start refering to you as ‘nash’ (our).
*You know more than 20 Lenas, 30 Mashas and 60 Sashas.
*Purchasing a ticket on the first attempt feels like the triumph of a lifetime.
*You are rude to people at the airport for no reason.
You haven’t worn your sneakers for anything but offical exercise in months.
*‘Remont’, ‘Pivo’ and ‘nalivai’ (Renovation, beer and pour some more) become integral parts of your vocabulary.
*Cigarette smoke becomes ‘tolerable’, or, if you’re a smoker, you beginning smoking at least a pack a day more than you did before coming.
You think metal doors are a necessity.
A gallon of milk seems like a foreign concept.
The elevator aroma seems reassuring somehow.
You do not take off that silly sticker on the sunglasses that you just bought.
*You sister write to you about the best prime rib she’s ever had and you can’t remember what it looks or tastes like.
You sit in silence on your bags for a few moments before leaving on any long journey.
***You catch yourself whistling indoors and feel guilty.
*You never smile in public when you’re alone.
*You know the offical at the metro station/airport/border post/post office/raliway station, etc. etc. is going to say ‘nyet’, but you argue anyway.
*That strange pungent mix of odors of star sawdust, sweat and grime in the emtro makes you feel safe and at home.
*The word ‘salad’ ceases to have anything to do with lettuce.
Mayonnaise becomes your dression of choice.
*You can recite in Russian all the words to all of the tampon/beer/chewing gum/coke/cell phone commercials.
*You do not leave any room between you and person in front of you in line. Ever.
It seems normal to you that stores close for lunch.
*You voluntarily take a stroll in the park, Baltika beer in hand, on a sub-zero day.
*You are no longer surprised when your taxi drivers tells you that before Perestroika, he worked as a rocked scientist.
You dress up in your best outfits for work/school.
*You laugh at Russian jokes.

And when you get home…

You try to pay a traffic fine on the spot and get arrested for attempted bribery.
You try to get the waitress’s attention by shouting, “Hey! Girl!”
You look for ‘kvas’ and ‘kefir’ in the supermarket and ask to buy half a head of cabbage.
You see a car with flashing lights and think it’s a politician.
You forget to clear your own tray at fast food restaurants.
You are in awe that after three days at home, your shoes are still clean.
You get wildly offended when youa re asked to pay at the coat check.
You answer the phone with ‘Allo’?
You feel queasy when someone tries to shake your hand over a threshold.
Before getting in line at the grocery store, you ask ‘Kto poslednii?” (Who’s last?)
You continue to ‘cross’ the number 7.
You specify ‘no gas’ when asking for water.
You are dumbstruck when high school or college students wait on you with a smile and display complete knoledge of the contents of each menu item.

posted by Misha Molodoi @ 2:50 PM